Third Degree Mind

How to be Single & Alone

Being single is tough. It's hard to be content with life when you're alone. We are relational beings, which means humans like relationships. We thrive on them. To be alone is contradictory to nature. And yet, so many people are dissatisfied with their current relationship status. Either they're alone and wish they had someone, or they do have someone, but they aren't fully satisfied with that relationship. Maybe they are just miserable, or they're afraid to leave because they think it's better to be with SOMEONE (even the wrong someone) than to be alone. This is not an uncommon fear. What are the "rules" to being single, and why is it important to spend time getting to know yourself, before trying to dive into a relationship or commitment?

A Scary Life in a Digital World

We live in a highly digital world, one which sometimes controls our every move. We rely on our smart phones and social media, and sometimes we leave behind those who are important to us. We forget how to connect with real people, and we forget to show those people that we love them. And then, one day, they might be gone, and we're left feeling regret that we didn't spend enough time with them. This week's topic follows the last episode on grief and loss, and touches on some of the same principles of living now, and telling them that you love them today, because tomorrow, the opportunity might be gone forever.

Living With Grief

Have you experienced the loss of a loved one? Most of us have, at one point or another. This episode of Third Degree Mind addresses the topics of Grief & Loss, and living with that heartache. The loss of a loved one leaves us feeling helpless and alone, like a gaping hole in our chest, gripping your soul, threatening to consume you from the inside out. It's one of the most painful emotions we as humans experience. This topic is an important one because it addresses something that we all experience multiple times throughout our lives, and everyone copes with it differently. It's important to understand what someone goes through when they lose someone, and it's important to think about strategies for moving past it. We might never get over loss, and we'll experience grief over and over again, but we do have to find a way to move on in our own lives. Isn't that what your loved one would want you to do?

UPDATE on Audio Issues

The episode released earlier today still has some audio issues... many of the same audio glitches that caused Third Degree Mind to go silent over the last 5 or so weeks. The partial good news is that the audio problems seem to resolve at about 20 minutes into the episode, so if you want to either deal with the audio in the beginning, or skip ahead to about 20 minutes, I believe the rest of the episode is bearable. Thanks for bearing with me as I work through these recording issues....

Second Best, Live Now

Are you second best in someone else's life? There are no consolation prizes. You need to live right now, in the present moment, without worrying about convincing someone else that you are worthy of their time and energy. Don't waste your life away. Don't be that one who wakes up one day, maybe 50 years from now, wishing you had done all these things in life, but didn't. Start your life NOW. Live in the present moment, because you don't know what tomorrow brings, and life offers no guarantees. Overcome your past, and move your "future plans" into the present moment. I promise, you will never meet a strong person with an easy past.

UPDATE: I am aware of the audio glitches in the beginning... the first 20 or so minutes have terrible audio, I'm still trying to figure out why... If it's too unbearable, skip to about 20 minutes and it improves.

Abandonment: Don't Leave Me, Or I'll Leave First!

"If you run, I'll run faster. If you leave me, I'll leave first. I'll push you away, but don't ever leave me."

Borderline Personality Disorder causes many odd behaviors and thoughts, one of them is this intense fear of abandonment. Beyond the simple fear of abandonment is a person who will take drastic measures to avoid feeling like they are being abandoned, even to the point of pushing away that very person they desperately want to stay.

In this episode, I tell a few stories in my own life of how I felt abandoned in a given moment, how I reacted (sometimes drastically), and an overview of abandonment and the related feelings.

Midweek: A Deep Sonder

Sonder: "The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."

What a fascinating concept. The world does not stop when you have a bad day. And your bad day is just that, one day. The average person lives over 26,000 days... don't let one bad day ruin your life and potential. It's one day. It's YOUR day. And trust me, someone somewhere, is having a harder day than you. Live your life, seize the moment, and make it what you want it to be.

Midweek Update: Unicorns & Lottery Tickets

"If you chase a unicorn, you might just catch a donkey with a plunger stuck on his face." Unicorns don't even exist! So why chase them?? And remember the other big quote this week... "Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain." So please, go buy an umbrella, forget the lottery tickets, and let that unicorn go! 

Midweek Update: Chasing a Unicorn

It's Thursday, and it's time for another midweek update. Unfortunately this midweek update comes with bad news... at least for the listeners who are anxiously awaiting the next release (haha - the four of you).

I'll be on vacation this upcoming weekend, so no release coming this weekend. The following week, we'll be continuing the conversation on family and upbrgining, and introducing another tangent to that idea, Abandonment. Feelings of being abandoned are both common and intense for someone with BPD, and those feelings are detrimental to all kinds of relationships: intimate, family, friends, etc.

How do you recognize these feelings? What do they look like? How can we respond to these out of control feelings, without blowing up our existing relationships?

What Does Family Mean?

Everyone's personality is dependent on a number of things. Who you become in adulthood is greatly influenced by who you were as a child and teen. Your upbringing plays an important role on all of this.

In order to "become who you were meant to be," you have to take an honest look at your past and examine what different things impacted who you became. Every personality trait comes from somewhere. I think one of the most important influential factors on your personality is your family dynamics: how you were treated by your family, how you treated your family, how you interact with them, how you fit into the bigger picture of your family unit, etc. All of these things impact who you became, and you are today. If you don't like who you are today, one thing you have to do at a certain point is come to terms with WHY you are that way. Our family upbringing gave us some good traits, and some bad traits. Recognizing the root of those personality traits can be hugely beneficial to understanding yourself, and being who you want to be.